Supporting a loved one through addiction can be challenging, and while you may have the best intentions, the wrong words can do more harm than good. Addiction is a complex disease, often tied to deep emotional pain, trauma, or mental health struggles. Certain phrases, whether judgmental, dismissive, or overly simplistic, can make someone feel ashamed, misunderstood, or even push them further into isolation and substance use.
Understanding what not to say is just as important as knowing how to offer support. In this article, we’ll highlight five common statements that can be damaging when speaking to someone battling addiction and explain why these words, despite good intentions, may do more harm than we realise.
Supporting a loved one through these mental health challenges, such as depression or anxiety, can be an emotionally taxing experience. You want to help, to offer words of comfort, and to ease their burden. However, while well-intentioned, certain phrases can unintentionally cause more harm than good.
Words have incredible power, and when used carelessly, they can make someone who is already struggling feel even more isolated, misunderstood, or unworthy. In this article, we’ll explore five common phrases that should be avoided when speaking to someone dealing with mental health issues, and why these words, though well-meaning, often do more damage than we realise.
“Get Over It”
When witnessing a loved one’s ongoing battle with mental health, it can be easy to feel frustrated or helpless. In moments of impatience, you might be tempted to say, “get over it” or “just snap out of it,” especially if you feel they’ve been stuck in a cycle of sadness or anxiety for a long time. However, these words can be incredibly harmful. For someone suffering from depression or anxiety, recovery is not a matter of simply “getting over” their feelings. These conditions often involve deep-rooted psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical factors that cannot be dismissed with sheer willpower.
Telling someone to “get over it” minimises the seriousness of their experience. It suggests that their struggles are a matter of choice, which can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and self-blame. The person may already feel like a burden or that they are failing in some way, and hearing this only deepens those feelings. What they need is understanding, patience, and support—not an oversimplified solution that invalidates their very real pain.
“You’re Not the Only One”
When trying to relate to someone who is suffering, it’s common to try and share your own experiences of hardship. You might say something like, “You’re not the only one going through this” or, “I felt the same way when I lost my job.” While this might be intended as an expression of empathy, it often has the opposite effect. Comparing your experiences of grief, sadness, or frustration with someone’s ongoing battle with a mental health condition can make them feel dismissed or misunderstood.
Depression, particularly when it is chronic, is not the same as situational sadness. While your grief over a personal loss may be valid, depression often entails a persistent and debilitating emotional state that can last for months or even years. By comparing their feelings to yours, you may unintentionally downplay the severity of their experience. What your loved one needs is validation of their unique struggle, not a comparison that risks making them feel like their emotions aren’t significant or worthy of attention.
“You’re Lazy”
One of the most common misconceptions about people suffering from depression or anxiety is that they are lazy. When someone is too fatigued to get out of bed, lacks motivation to complete basic tasks, or seems withdrawn, it can be easy to assume they’re simply not trying hard enough. However, laziness and mental illness are not the same thing. Depression often manifests as extreme fatigue, lethargy, and a sense of overwhelming exhaustion. These are symptoms of the illness, not indicators of a lack of character or discipline.
Labelling someone as lazy can add a tremendous amount of guilt to the emotional weight they are already carrying. It reinforces negative self-perceptions and may cause them to retreat further into isolation or shame. It’s important to understand that what might appear as disinterest or lack of motivation is often a symptom of something much deeper. Offering empathy and helping them seek support, rather than passing judgement, is a far more constructive approach.
“It Could Always Be Worse”
In an attempt to offer perspective, you might be tempted to say, “It could always be worse,” or “Other people have it much harder than you.” While these statements may be true, they can feel incredibly dismissive to someone in the throes of depression or anxiety. For those struggling with mental health, their emotional pain is very real, and comparisons to others’ suffering do not alleviate their distress. In fact, these kinds of comments can lead to feelings of guilt, making them think that their pain is not justified or that they are being overly dramatic.
Mental health conditions often cause tunnel vision—individuals may find it nearly impossible to see beyond their own emotional suffering. By suggesting that things “could be worse,” you risk making them feel like they have no right to their emotions. Instead of trying to shift their perspective to external hardships, it’s more helpful to offer unconditional support, reminding them that their feelings are valid and that you are there to help them navigate through their struggles.
“Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself”
When someone is visibly down for an extended period of time, it might be tempting to think that they’re wallowing or seeking attention. You may find yourself saying, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself” in an effort to motivate them or encourage them to focus on positive aspects of their life. However, mental health conditions like depression are not a choice. They involve a complex mix of emotional, chemical, and psychological factors that make it incredibly difficult for individuals to control their mood or outlook.
Telling someone to stop feeling sorry for themselves implies that their feelings are self-inflicted or that they are deliberately choosing to stay in a negative space. This not only trivialises their struggle but also reinforces the stigma that mental health issues are a matter of personal weakness or indulgence. For someone battling intense feelings of hopelessness or helplessness, hearing this can push them further into isolation and despair. What they need is empathy, not judgement.
The Power of Mindful Support
Supporting a loved one through mental health challenges requires more than offering words of advice or trying to push them towards a quick fix. It involves patience, empathy, and a willingness to listen without judgement. While it’s natural to want to help, being mindful of the language you use is key to fostering an environment where your loved one feels understood, supported, and validated.
Instead of offering clichés or oversimplified solutions, try listening actively. Sometimes, the best thing you can say is simply, “I’m here for you,” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I want to support you in any way I can.” These words communicate care, empathy, and a genuine desire to help—without dismissing the complexity of their experience. Mental health is a long journey, and while you can’t fix the problem for them, your presence and mindful support can make all the difference.
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